I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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