We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
