Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
