your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
