Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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