I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
