Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
