I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
