Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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