News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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