Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
