Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
