We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
