I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I had to cum in my sink.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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