so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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