It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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