Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.

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(352): View more from Florida

i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me

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(609): View more from New Jersey

please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.

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(205): View more from Alabama

remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?

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(775): View more from Nevada

THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.

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(417): View more from Missouri

In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Why is your ex naked in my apartment?

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(618): View more from Illinois

I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers

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