see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
