Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
