Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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