the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
