so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
