; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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