Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
