I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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