just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
