I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
third nipple confirmed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
