hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
