There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
