Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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