Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
