is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
