All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
