take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
