I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
