I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
