dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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