He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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