who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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