I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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