I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
