Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
