One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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