one two three fourrrrnication!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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