so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
