i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
