so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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