I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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