I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
