I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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