Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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