it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
