i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
