Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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