Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
