just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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