Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
