Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
