you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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