Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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