I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
