yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
