She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
