just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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