she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
