I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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