That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
