After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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