Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
