Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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