i think i have two assholes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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