You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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