when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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