It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
