3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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